So do I, actually. Well, kind of. It's a tough thing to go back over. But listen: I've told Cat about you and your work, Margi, so . . . she knows you'll be hearing what she went through. She's really appreciative of your work.
I'm sorry you had to go through with this. My husband almost died twice last year. One of those times he was put on a life flight to get to the nearest big hospital (45 miles away). He made it!
Here's the thing. He was capable of expressing how he hated hospitals, didn't want to be there, and refused some tests as unnecessary. Those tests ended up being done AFTER he left the hospital, months later, and it would have been easier if he'd had them done WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL.
So...I had to allow him to make his choices, but he was wrong. (Not saying you were though!)
Fortunately he revived. So I feel sympathy for your wife, watching someone she loved close to death. It's pretty awful.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's harder being the one who's with--who loves--the one who is sick than it is being the sick one. I'm sorry you both had to go through that. Ugh. So hard.
Bob is doing better. And he's responding to immunotherapy. So there's hope. I'm sorry you went through your experience. You are right, when I watch my loved ones suffer I want to take their pain away.
I'm glad Bob is doing better. Man.I know a lot of people really hate being in a hospital. Bob REALLY hates it, sounds like. Sounds like he's real real lucky to have you to help him navigate all that kind of stuff.
I understand both of you actually. I’ve seen several of my loved ones through that door to the other side except my sweet husband who left on his own terms. My best friend who had been a hospice nurse and I were with my husband for 36 or so hours of his active dying stage. It was February of 2022, with Covid protocols still in place so I was really hoping that I wasn’t going to have to transfer him to Four Seasons. All this, of course was over the weekend and he had been extremely restless in his hospital bed with my friend trying to keep his upper body in the bed and I, his lower. His oral meds were not affecting him at all and we were getting very tired. The decision was not made lightly but it was necessary for the three of us so I made the call. An on call nurse had to drive to our house from Transylvania County to administer a Covid test before he could be transported. Results weren’t known until after midnight Monday morning. Transport was slow since it wasn’t emergent and as they were getting ready to roll him from our bedroom, I told him I loved him and I’d see him in a bit. As it turned out, his AA sponsor made it to hospice later that morning and stayed with my husband most of the day. I, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to get my shit together and was in the shower when my phone rang and I knew before I answered that it would be the hospice nurse telling me that my sweet, wonderful man with whom I had spent 41 years had moved on and left me to follow later. My friend and her husband drove me to Four Seasons to be with me until the funeral home arrived.
All this to say Cat was afraid to leave you because we think that the dying person doesn’t want to be alone. But the one dying has already “separated” from this physical plane and, like the birth process, are working to move on. Being alone is not the fear for the dying that we think. It’s us on this side that are fearful. The unknown is scary and death is our final unknown. As long as you were focused on healing yourself, that was a healthy sign that she probably should have honored. But that’s me talking. I had hospice training and worked in patient care. Also, you are unique John. Somehow something worked. You’re still with us 🙏🏻.
John, I had no idea what you were going through! My goodness. I'm so glad I found your email - the title really grabbed me, which I'm sure was the whole point! As always, your writing is captivating, but unsettling knowing that it was about someone I (sort of) know. I'm sure I'd be with Cat on this one - I could never leave my husband's side while he suffered. I'd probably be on the bed next to him with oxygen on because I'd be having panic attacks, but I could never leave. He's also my best friend. Pretty much since we were 14, so almost 20 years, which is very strange to think about. I'm really glad you're okay, and I'll be watching for Cat's version of things.
Had a similar experience. Double pneumonia and 12 days in ICU. Home health for several more months. During that time had to restrain a loved one who had a psychotic break and tried to stab me to death. Unexpectedly ( had already reached my years goal) was laid off with no explanation. ( Finally figured that one out later). Trouble comes all at once. Take care of yourself.
WHOA! You're recovering from 12 days in ICU and someone tries to STAB YOU TO DEATH. Holy cow. That's just . . . wow. Now I feel like when I came home from ICU I was fully, 100% on vacation. So . . . glad you didn't get STABBED to death, Guy. That sounds so awful.
That entire episode ended up being that best thing that could have happened. True, but it does sound strange. Except for my lungs. I can't do the extreme cold weather hikes I used to, lungs can't take it.
.... now I really want to read Cat's version!
So do I, actually. Well, kind of. It's a tough thing to go back over. But listen: I've told Cat about you and your work, Margi, so . . . she knows you'll be hearing what she went through. She's really appreciative of your work.
I'm sorry you had to go through with this. My husband almost died twice last year. One of those times he was put on a life flight to get to the nearest big hospital (45 miles away). He made it!
Here's the thing. He was capable of expressing how he hated hospitals, didn't want to be there, and refused some tests as unnecessary. Those tests ended up being done AFTER he left the hospital, months later, and it would have been easier if he'd had them done WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL.
So...I had to allow him to make his choices, but he was wrong. (Not saying you were though!)
Fortunately he revived. So I feel sympathy for your wife, watching someone she loved close to death. It's pretty awful.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's harder being the one who's with--who loves--the one who is sick than it is being the sick one. I'm sorry you both had to go through that. Ugh. So hard.
Bob is doing better. And he's responding to immunotherapy. So there's hope. I'm sorry you went through your experience. You are right, when I watch my loved ones suffer I want to take their pain away.
I'm glad Bob is doing better. Man.I know a lot of people really hate being in a hospital. Bob REALLY hates it, sounds like. Sounds like he's real real lucky to have you to help him navigate all that kind of stuff.
Comedy, mysticism, suspense, it's all here. So glad you survived to tell the tale.
You're always so kind, Jendi. Thank you.
I understand both of you actually. I’ve seen several of my loved ones through that door to the other side except my sweet husband who left on his own terms. My best friend who had been a hospice nurse and I were with my husband for 36 or so hours of his active dying stage. It was February of 2022, with Covid protocols still in place so I was really hoping that I wasn’t going to have to transfer him to Four Seasons. All this, of course was over the weekend and he had been extremely restless in his hospital bed with my friend trying to keep his upper body in the bed and I, his lower. His oral meds were not affecting him at all and we were getting very tired. The decision was not made lightly but it was necessary for the three of us so I made the call. An on call nurse had to drive to our house from Transylvania County to administer a Covid test before he could be transported. Results weren’t known until after midnight Monday morning. Transport was slow since it wasn’t emergent and as they were getting ready to roll him from our bedroom, I told him I loved him and I’d see him in a bit. As it turned out, his AA sponsor made it to hospice later that morning and stayed with my husband most of the day. I, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to get my shit together and was in the shower when my phone rang and I knew before I answered that it would be the hospice nurse telling me that my sweet, wonderful man with whom I had spent 41 years had moved on and left me to follow later. My friend and her husband drove me to Four Seasons to be with me until the funeral home arrived.
All this to say Cat was afraid to leave you because we think that the dying person doesn’t want to be alone. But the one dying has already “separated” from this physical plane and, like the birth process, are working to move on. Being alone is not the fear for the dying that we think. It’s us on this side that are fearful. The unknown is scary and death is our final unknown. As long as you were focused on healing yourself, that was a healthy sign that she probably should have honored. But that’s me talking. I had hospice training and worked in patient care. Also, you are unique John. Somehow something worked. You’re still with us 🙏🏻.
My goodness. That's a tough story. What a lot you went through, with all of that. Thank you for sharing that difficult story, SPW.
Wow... I'm glad you made it through that. And I cannot wait to read the rest.
Thanks, Lynne. And thanks for encouraging Cat to write her part of it. Um. I think.
A riveting tale. I can hardly wait for part II.
John, I had no idea what you were going through! My goodness. I'm so glad I found your email - the title really grabbed me, which I'm sure was the whole point! As always, your writing is captivating, but unsettling knowing that it was about someone I (sort of) know. I'm sure I'd be with Cat on this one - I could never leave my husband's side while he suffered. I'd probably be on the bed next to him with oxygen on because I'd be having panic attacks, but I could never leave. He's also my best friend. Pretty much since we were 14, so almost 20 years, which is very strange to think about. I'm really glad you're okay, and I'll be watching for Cat's version of things.
Had a similar experience. Double pneumonia and 12 days in ICU. Home health for several more months. During that time had to restrain a loved one who had a psychotic break and tried to stab me to death. Unexpectedly ( had already reached my years goal) was laid off with no explanation. ( Finally figured that one out later). Trouble comes all at once. Take care of yourself.
WHOA! You're recovering from 12 days in ICU and someone tries to STAB YOU TO DEATH. Holy cow. That's just . . . wow. Now I feel like when I came home from ICU I was fully, 100% on vacation. So . . . glad you didn't get STABBED to death, Guy. That sounds so awful.
That entire episode ended up being that best thing that could have happened. True, but it does sound strange. Except for my lungs. I can't do the extreme cold weather hikes I used to, lungs can't take it.
I was just thinking of you yesterday, wondering how you're doing. Great to hear from you again. Looking forward to Part 2.
That's terribly kind of you, Deborah. Thanks for what you've been writing lately. I know it's helping people.
Thanks for this encouragement! I sure hope so.